The Tabias Heal Advice Column

HelpOne of my initial hopes when starting this blog was to be able to provide a source of help and advice to those in need. Since we do live in a medico-legal minefield, I cannot do so without first having an agreement or disclaimer between myself and those who would like to ask questions or seek advice. You can find this lengthy disclaimer at the end of this post. But to make it simple, if you do write seeking advice (hopefully of a medical nature – not sure I can be as helpful with your car problems, Italian recipes, computer glitches or the fine art of Oragami), then I will answer you as a friend answers another friend and no more.

Since you will be writing to Tabias Heal, which is not my real name but instead a pen name or nom de plume (that just sounded cool – sorry), you of course understand that the advice does not take the place of asking your own doctor or seeking medical help at your hospital, local witch-doctor, exorcist, etc.

I hope though that this will in time become a searchable forum where we can try to help solve the world’s problems together one case at a time. Beneficial questions will be turned into blog posts for all to benefit from in the future. My contact info is at the bottom after the oh-so-fun disclaimer!

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Disclaimer (writing to me assumes that you have completely agreed to all aspects of this arrangement, yada yada yada … I will try my best to translate as much of this legal babble below for your convenience):

This advice column (the “Service”) is an online information and communications service provided by a totally awesome yet fictional character named Dr. Tabias Heal (“Provider”) subject to your agreement with all of the terms and conditions offered below. Please read this Agreement carefully before accessing or using the Service. By accessing or using the Service, you agree to be bound by all of the terms and conditions below, which are intended to be fully effective and binding upon the Provider and users. The Provider may modify this Agreement at any time, and such modifications shall be effective immediately upon posting the modified Agreement. You agree to review the Agreement periodically to be aware of such modifications and your accessing or using the Service constitutes your acceptance of the Agreement as it appears at the time of your access or use.[This means you need to frequently visit my blog 🙂]

THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS SERVICE IS NOT INTENDED NOR IMPLIED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE. (THIS MEANS THAT NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU COMPLEMENT ME, I WILL NOT PRESCRIBE YOU PERCOCET)

ALWAYS SEEK THE ADVICE OF YOUR PHYSICIAN OR OTHER QUALIFIED HEALTH PROVIDER (IN THE CASE YOUR PHYSICIAN IS A TOTAL GOOF) PRIOR TO STARTING ANY NEW TREATMENT OR WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE REGARDING A MEDICAL CONDITION, MEDICAL QUESTION, NEW EXERCISE REGIMEN, NEW DIET, STOCK PURCHASES OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT MIGHT EVEN REMOTELY AFFECT YOUR HEALTH. NOTHING CONTAINED IN THE SERVICE IS INTENDED TO BE FOR MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS OR TREATMENT OR TO SUBSTITUTE FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MEDICAL CARE PROVIDER (EVEN IF HE ISN’T SO SMART).

You understand that, except for information, products or services clearly identified as being supplied by the Provider, the Provider does not operate, control or endorse any information, products or services on the Internet, including on the Service, in any way. The Provider does not assume any responsibility or risk for your use of the Service.

THE PROVIDER DOES NOT MAKE ANY EXPRESS OR IMPLIED WARRANTIES, REPRESENTATIONS OR ENDORSEMENTS WHATSOEVER (INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION WARRANTIES OF TITLE OR NONINFRINGEMENT, OR THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE) WITH REGARD TO THE SERVICE, ANY MERCHANDISE, INFORMATION OR SERVICE PROVIDED THROUGH THE SERVICE. THE PROVIDER DOES NOT WARRANT THE ACCURACY, COMPLETENESS OR CORRECTNESS, TIMELINESS, OR USEFULNESS OF ANY OPINIONS, ADVICE, SERVICES, MERCHANDISE OR OTHER INFORMATION PROVIDED THROUGH THE SERVICE OR ON THE INTERNET GENERALLY (IN OTHER WORDS, I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR GLOBAL WARMING).

IN NO EVENT WILL THE PROVIDER BE LIABLE TO YOU OR ANYONE ELSE FOR ANY DECISION MADE OR ACTION TAKEN BY YOU OR ANYONE ELSE IN RELIANCE UPON THE INFORMATION PROVIDED THROUGH THE SERVICE (THIS MEANS THAT IF YOU DO SOMETHING STUPID, DON’T EVEN THINK OF BLAMING ME).

The Service is presented by the Provider for the sole purpose of disseminating health information for public benefit. IT IS NOT INTENDED, AND MUST NOT BE TAKEN, TO BE THE PROVISION OR PRACTICE OF MEDICAL, NURSING, OR PROFESSIONAL HEALTH CARE ADVICE OR SERVICES IN ANY JURISDICTION. THE SERVICE IS NOT TARGETED TO USERS IN ANY PARTICULAR LOCALITY, PLANET, GALAXY OR DIMENSION NOR IS IT INTENDED TO CONSTITUTE THE DOING OF BUSINESS IN ANY JURISDICTION, NOR TO BE A SOLICITATION OF BUSINESS ANYWHERE ON BEHALF OF TABIAS HEAL OR ANY OF HIS AFFILIATED MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES.

Potential users in any jurisdiction in the world, the common, statutory, regulatory, or codified law of which would void this Agreement in whole or in any essential part (the essential parts being at least, but not only, the exclusive venue and exclusive remedy provisions, and warranty disclaimer), or which makes accessing the Service illegal, are unauthorized to use the Service, and do so entirely at their own risk.(I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS – SORRY CAN’T HELP YA THERE)

IN NO EVENT SHALL THE PROVIDER BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, SPECIAL, EXEMPLARY, PUNITIVE, OR ANY OTHER MONETARY OR OTHER DAMAGES, FEES, FINES, PENALTIES, OR LIABILITIES ARISING OUT OF OR RELATING IN ANY WAY TO THIS SERVICE, OR SITES ACCESSED THROUGH THIS SERVICE, AND/OR CONTENT OR INFORMATION PROVIDED HEREIN. A USER’S SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY FOR DISSATISFACTION WITH THE SERVICE IS TO STOP USING THE SERVICE (AND DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU ON THE WAY OUT!).

If any of the provisions of this Agreement are held by a court or other tribunal of competent jurisdiction not to be enforceable, then such provisions shall be limited or eliminated to the minimum extent necessary so that this Agreement shall otherwise remain in full force and effect. This Agreement constitutes the entire agreement between the parties pertaining to its subject matter. It may not be modified except as described elsewhere in this Agreement. Anything in the Service inconsistent with or conflicting with the terms of this Agreement is superseded by the terms of this Agreement.

Permission to reprint or electronically reproduce any document or graphic in whole or in part for any reason is allowed if you ask nicely.

If you choose to accept (the red pill) – you are welcome to post your question here (preferable so others can comment on it or benefit) or email me if it is something private.

If you do not agree to these terms (the blue pill) then you can just keep reading the blog posts as before, call me names, go elsewhere or any combination of the above – although if you choose to call me names, I won’t be your friend anymore.

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11 Responses to The Tabias Heal Advice Column

  1. ILoveYoy says:

    This is pretty off topic, but I think it would be so cool if you post something about your experience with people who self-harm.

    • TUNDE says:

      nothing is cool about people hurting themselves intentionally. although, people do stupid things, but the underlying problem is far more sad than anyone can imagine. good topic, but not cool.

  2. TUNDE says:

    INTERESTING, NOT SURE IF THE DISCLAIMER WOULD STAND IN TRIAL. HMMM

    • Warmsocks says:

      It says pretty clearly that this is just for information; see your doctor if you need treatment.

      Other built-in protections are:
      1) Questions can be ignored.
      2) Answers can be phrased to emphasize that the info provided is based on incomplete information and that people still need to see their doctors for an accurate diagnosis/treatment.

      I think it’s a great idea!

      • TUNDE says:

        yeh ,in a perfect world and even this one too, is a good idea, but as you know and i am sure you do….people take you to court for everything. even if the case doesn’t stick you have to waste all that time and money even though he or she will have to pay for your expenses if they loose, but if you get a looser you will stick with legal fees.
        (and usually a looser will complain who is trying to get quick money)

        idea is great, and i hope it will work and benefit people.

      • ER Doc says:

        Thank you!

  3. Kim says:

    Well, I have to say that was one of the more entertaining disclaimers I’ve read! : D

  4. Sabra says:

    I have this sudden, overwhelming urge to ask you questions completely unrelated to medicine. What’s the best brand of bacon? How pathetic would I be if I bought a third dark green Ford Taurus? Should I brave the crowds at church next weekend in order to hear the Presiding Bishop speak? And so on…

    (Forgive me.)

  5. Carol says:

    No Percocet? I’m outa here.

    Actually I’ve read most of your blog now, thank you.

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